The Gran Tour

Description

'Both moving and hilarious' Spectator, Books of the Year 'A tale of gloriously eccentric British pensioners. Aitken rivals Alan Bennett in the ear he has for an eavesdropped remark ... boy, can he write.' Daily Mail, Book of the Week FROM THE AUTHOR OF THE ACCLAIMED A CHIP SHOP IN POZNAŃ One millennial, six coach trips, one big generation gap. When Ben Aitken learnt that his gran had enjoyed a four-night holiday including four three-course dinners, four cooked breakfasts, four games of bingo, a pair of excursions, sixteen pints of lager and luxury return coach travel, all for a hundred pounds, he thought, that's the life, and signed himself up. Six times over. Good value aside, what Ben was really after was the company of his elders - those with more chapters under their belt, with the wisdom granted by experience, the candour gifted by time, and the hard-earned ability to live each day like it's nearly their last. A series of coach holidays ensued - from Scarborough to St Ives, Killarney to Lake Como - during which Ben attempts to shake off his thirty-something blues by getting old as soon as possible. Title Page Dedication Contents About the author Part 1: Scarborough, Yorkshire, England 1: We’re hard to spot, aren’t we? 2: There’s an art to eating happily alone 3: Why aren’t you in bed? 4: I’m the right side of 80, she says – 81 Part 2: St Ives, Cornwall, England 5: Any student discount? 6: Well, pardon me, Mrs Robinson 7: Older people should be exploited 8: Although owls appear zen and wise, they’re actually thick as sh*t Part 3: Llandudno, Wales 9: Just eat your bread roll and don’t touch me 10: Ask your mother while you can 11: Alexa, find Facebook, says Nan 12: It sounds to me like you could do with some grief Part 4: Killarney, Ireland 13: I’m not used to the likes of you. On ye get 14: It’s Judy bloody Garland 15: You can’t take a picture of them. They’re not us 16: These days, even babies don’t know they’re born Part 5: Lake Como, Italy 17: Life’s not about living to 96. It’s about living to 84 18: They’re talking of switching rooms because their neighbours were at it half the night 19: Now there’s no whistling because he never comes home 20: They took him to hospital in a gondola 21: If you want to know the secret to a long, happy marriage, it’s 1) stay alive and 2) have separate bedtimes 22: And then some paramedics arrive Part 6: Pitlochry, Scotland 23: She says that thanking God gets easier and harder every day 24: She grew beetroot and potatoes all day and in return she wasn’t shot 25: I can’t just sit here and wait for the rain to stop 26: There was that lark in the end Acknowledgements Also by Ben Aitken Copyright Advertisement