Lesbian Ex-Lovers: The Really Long-Term Relationships

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Cover Half Titile Title Page Copyright Page Contents Introduction Lesbian Ex-Lover Relationships: Under-Estimated, Under-Theorized and Under-Valued? “The Changer and The Changed”: Ex-Lovers as Contexts for Development To All the Girls I Left Before Tenth Anniversary Coming Out of My Closet Coming Out of My Closet In My Dream: My Ex-Lovers’ Unconventional Convention These Most Difficult Tasks These Most Difficult Tasks Passion Moving Costs: Challenges of (Re)Defining Our Relationships and Dealing with Unfinished Business Still the One Joan Michelle Joan Michelle Joan Michelle Joan Michelle Loading Up the U-Haul: Traveling the Spaces Between Friends and Lovers Daring to Take the Risk Introduction How did it Start? An Awakening! the Walk Working it Out The Good Times A Horrible Year Different Lives The Wasteland–Living Without Each Other The Catalyst–Becoming Friends Again How We did it Lovers Again Family Affairs Family Affairs Highly Favored Ex For Emily, Many Years Too Late/ Years Later, in Another City, I Still Think of Her For Emily, Many Years Too Late Years Later, in Another City, I Still Think of Her Too Much Tsoras? The High Costs of Maintaining Ties Truth, Dreams and the Li(v)es Between Temporary Temptation Temporary Temptation Lost Love Lost Love Neurotic Love Letters Before: Illusion During: Lust After: Betrayal Goodbye Note to My Lover Goodbye Note to My Lover Leaving Liza Lesbian Ex-Lovers by the Numbers: A Reflective but Not Contemplative Love Poem of Sorts Not Lovers But Not “Just Friends”: Reconstructing Families, Friendships and Communities Personal Stories I’m Not Lisa The House on Transcript Avenue One true story: The Lesbian Herstory of My Last Home, Heretofore Referred to as the House A Linear Herstory of the House to Date House Update The Last Update Epilogue The Politics of Potlucks Family Doggerel Family Doggerel The Visit Irritating and Constricting/ Elating and Elastic– Being “Ex” as a Lesbian Theoretical Reflections Consummated Friends and Ex-Wives: Two Types of Lesbian Ex-Lovers When Three’s a Crowd: Ex-Lovers and Lesbian Families in 2 Girls in Love Plot Summary: The Incredibly True Adventure of 2 Girls in Love Introduction 'Did you hear About her Family? They’re, Like, all Lesbians!' Arrival of the Ex-Lover Toward a Family of Friends Conclusion Making the Transition: Understanding the Longevity of Lesbian Relationships Female-Male Relation Female-Female Relation Positive Viewpoints Towards Female-Female Relations Negative Viewpoints Towards Female-Female Relations Lesbian-Lesbian Relations Lesbian FLEX-ibility: Friend and/or Family Connections Among Lesbian Ex-Lovers Introduction: Setting the Stage GOKWA–“God Only Knows What We Are” Telling Tales Naming Our Terms Background Research: Examining the Relevant Literatures Lesbian Ex-Lovers: How Often Do Our Ties Bind? Heterosexual Ex-Lover Relationships: How Do They Comparre? Where Do Things Stand? Telling Explanatory Stories about Lesbians and Our Ex-Lovers “Problematic Development” Stories Stories of Adaptation: Development in the Context of Oppression Additional Contributing Factors Concluding Reflections on Contextual and Other Contributing Factors Shaping Lesbians’ Friendship Patterns and Lesbians’ Ex-Lover Relationships Constructing New Visions of Healthy Relationships and Healthy Developm Reframed Development Stories Challenging/Changing the Model of Dyadic Relationships/Families Stories Still to Tell Cautionary Tales and Considerations Future Directions: Research Questions, Theoretical Perspectives,Clinical Considerations, and Community Development Implications of Our Stories Concluding Comments Afterword The Migration of the Mythic Lesbian (Not So) Ex-Love Learning to do the Narrative Shuffle Exes: The Mothers of Reinvention Index