I Hate Everyone, Except You

Description

Bestselling author and beloved television personality Clinton Kelly pens a hilariously intimate collection of essays about his often-embarrassing journey from awkward kid to slightly less awkward adult. Clinton Kelly isn't just an enduring television host. In I Hate Everyone, Except You, Clinton Kelly is a finicky connoisseur of 1980s pornography, a disillusioned critic of New Jersey's premier water parks, and perhaps the world's most foul-mouthed high-school graduation speaker. Whether he's fantasizing about strangers in airports, throwing his baby sister in the air to jumpstart her cheerleading career, or rescuing his best friend from death by mud bath, Clinton leaps life's social hurdles with enviable aplomb. He shares his unique ability to navigate the stickiest of situations, from finding true love in a crowded gay bar to auditioning for sliced turkey commercials. Clinton delves into all these topics?and many more?in this thoroughly hilarious, unabashedly frank collection that will upend expectations and leave you snorting Chardonnay out your nose.;Intro; Dedication; Kamikaze; Brilliant Ideas; Auditions, the Universe, and Other Whatnot; Memorizing Porn; Turd in the Punchbowl; Freakin' Fabulous, The Sitcom; The Switch; Clinton for President!; You Young, Me Restless; Textbook Penis; Stockholm Syndrome; The Way It Went; I'm Waiting; Your a Psychopath; Salad Days; Rich and Famous; Afterword; Acknowledgments; About Clinton Kelly; Copyright Intro Dedication Kamikaze Brilliant Ideas Auditions, the Universe, and Other Whatnot Memorizing Porn Turd in the Punchbowl Freakin' Fabulous, The Sitcom The Switch Clinton for President! You Young, Me Restless Textbook Penis Stockholm Syndrome The Way It Went I'm Waiting Your a Psychopath Salad Days Rich and Famous Afterword Acknowledgments About Clinton Kelly Copyright