Sweet Surrender: How Cultural Mandates Shape Christian Marriage

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WARNING: This book is written by a Protestant sociologist. He denies the sacramentality of marriage (ref:10.34); thinks veiling in 1 Cor. 11 only pertains to St. Paul's era's culture (ref:10.24), when really St. Paul was telling the veil-less Corinthian women they need to veil in church!; and [Modernist](https://www.vatican.va/content/pius-x/en/encyclicals/documents/hf_p-x_enc_19070908_pascendi-dominici-gregis.html)ically thinks biblical cultural norms evolve to "God's ultimate ethic" (ref:10.25).Still, his sociological insights are interesting, and his criticism of the Protestant marriage film *Fireproof* (2008) is good, too (ref:10.37), e.g., that the husband and wife portrayed in it were childless dual-wage earners who primarily lived for themselves.ch. 1 is on mate selection, a strong argument for arranged marriagesch. 2 "connectedness" discusses the past 200 yrs' change from viewing families as economic producers to becoming consumersref:12.44 cites Paul H. Wright, “[Men’s Friendships, Women’s Friendships and the Alleged Inferiority of the Latter](https://isidore.co/misc/Physics%20papers%20and%20books/Zotero/storage/7TRHBMK9/Wright%20-%201982%20-%20Men's%20friendships,%20women's%20friendships%20and%20the%20all.pdf),” *Sex Roles* 8, no. 1 (January 1, 1982): 1–20 (cf. "[Aristotle: friendship between men > friendship between women?](https://philosophy.stackexchange.com/q/82180/2014)"):> In fact it is only male friendship that is founded on the companionship of shared “side-by-side” activity.[1](javascript:void\(0\))96 Female friendship, like lovers, is founded on the intimacy of shared “face-to-face” talk, and has led to a greater value, need fulfillment, and participation in friendship by women than by men. Thus, the perception and practice of friendship itself has reversed completely from a male civic virtue in antiquity to a female private indulgence in modernity. As with other dimensions of social life, when friendship was considered a male preserve, it had high social status and value, but when it came to be considered a female preserve, it lost its prestige, though not its ability to meet relatedness needs.[1](javascript:void\(0\))97Olthuis, [*Keeping Our Troth*](https://isidore.co/calibre/#panel=book_details&book_id=9078) 's "developmental stage theory of marriage in Western culture" (ref:16.32-42): 1. Romance 2. Power Struggle 3. Shifting Gears 4. Mutuality 5. Co-Creativity* * *Every culture has a way of perceiving and practicing marriage. Many contemporary Western Christians mistake what their culture prescribes regarding marriage with what the Bible portrays, and thereby take as biblical what is merely cultural. Uncritical conformity to cultural imperatives of marriage then becomes a Christian virtue, and a sweet surrender. Few recognize, much less question this confusion, even when its consequences are unhealthy. In Sweet Surrender Dennis Hiebert challenges Christians to comprehend what is cultural in their view of marriage, hold as optional what is not explicitly required by the Bible, and live out their marriages within the transcendent grace of God. Gaining greater awareness can free marriages from the control of culture for something more simply but deeply Christian. Marriages benefit when they are released from cultural directives that are not biblical callings, even if they choose to retain them as cultural practices. This book is for Christians who are ready to rethink their assumptions about marriage.**Review**Contemplating marriage is, itself, an act of courageous and intelligent cultural engagement, and Dennis Hiebert serves as an expert guide. *Sweet Surrender* will help readers think anew about what marriage, intimacy, sex, and love mean in various cultural contexts. \--Jenell Paris, Professor of Anthropology, Messiah College In this biblically informed book, Hiebert utilizes the concept of sweet surrender to describe the less than healthy way in which biblical ideals for marriage are surrendered to contemporary socio-cultural norms. This insightful book is timely for both [married] individuals and those attempting to understand the complexity of marriage in a postmodern society with competing systems of moral structure. . . . I strongly recommend this book for Christian leaders, teachers, or anyone else who wants [to] understand how the biblical essence of marriage can be recaptured in contemporary society. \--Jack Balswick, Senior Professor of Sociology and Family Development, Fuller Theological Seminary Dennis Hiebert offers a provoking challenge to contemporary ideas (Christian and secular) about marriage. From mate selection to intimacy, Dennis suggests 'mandates' we hold about marriage are less biblical than cultural, more influenced by Western individualism than Christian truth. Rather than offering another inspiring read of what marriage can be, *Sweet Surrender* provides a corrective to unrealistic expectations couples hold for this ever-changing institution. \--Lisa Graham McMinn, Writer in Residence, George Fox University *Sweet Surrender* is a sociological take on a pastoral need, a loving, unflinching wake-up call to Christians who are unwittingly being conformed to the world in all but the most superficial ways. \--Kurt Armstrong, as reviewed in the Nov/Dec 2013 issue of *Faith Today* \--Wipf and Stock Publishers### About the Author Dennis Hiebert, PhD, is Professor of Sociology at Providence University College in Canada, where he has taught courses in Marriage and Family for over twenty years. A former president of the Association of Christians Teaching Sociology, he has authored numerous academic articles on the intersection of Christianity and sociology. Dennis and his wife live in southern Manitoba and have two adult sons.* * *Dennis W. Hiebert, “[Toward Adult Cross-Sex Friendship](https://isidore.co/forum/index.php?topic=188.msg526#msg526),” *Journal of Psychology and Theology* 24, no. 4 (December 1996): 271–83.